I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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