Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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