alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I need to calm my uterus...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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