Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
3 2 1 whiskey
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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