I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does