I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable