His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.