OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
What a dumb baby whore.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
