Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
