i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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