oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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