trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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