Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Found the puke drawer
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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