I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
