I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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