last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
