Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
