theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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