Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
