Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
