Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize