i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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