Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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