Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
