Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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