She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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