dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
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