Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
