angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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