I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I wish they made helmets for livers.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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