woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
