just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
