go do what you do best...puke behind churches
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
