After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
there's paper in my vomit.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
