Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
