I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
