Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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