watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Drunk is not a location!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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