So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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