i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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