If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
