I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
