$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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