hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
