Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
