Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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