Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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