Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
