How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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