Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
