Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize