I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize