I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
