Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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