My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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