I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
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You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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