wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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