my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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