i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
