So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
